Thoughts that I have had this week:
"I need to improve my Chinese."
"I need to improve my Japanese."
"We are never on time"
"Why am I not full of energy in the morning?"
"Why can't I give the most spiritual tours in the world?"
"Why don't I work harder?"
"I don't feel like a missionary."
"Why don't I stop eating oreos"
"Why don't I have more time to study everything?"
Everything felt overwhelming and all of my imperfections started bubbling up. There were a lot of things that were making me and my companion feel crappy about ourselves. So. many. things. We weren't doing anything outrageously disobedient, but for some reason Satan got a hold of us.
We set three simple goals. 1: Be on time and 2: stop talking about home, and 3: stop talking about negative mission things. There were no miracles, no immediate! results! but the week ended so much better. The days were still hard but we could go to sleep knowing that we had tried our hardest, and that was enough to lift 30% of the burden. There were moments where I could feel my heart beating from anxiety from all the things we could be doing better; but I kept being reminded that I needed to work on things one at a time.
In Mark chapter 9 there is a man whose son is afflicted with a spirit. Jesus says to him, "If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." The next verse, my favorite, says,
"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief."
Elder Holland comments (https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng) that we learn from this story the importance of acknowledging what you already have. If we were to all take a second to turn around and reflect on journey thus far, we would know that we could go on for so much more. It is also important to know that it's o k a y to acknowledge our unbelief. This man is begging Jesus for help, because he is lacking. And that's okay.
I survived this week. I've survived worse weeks. Even though sometimes I'm still not the best or most obedient missionary, I'll be okay as long as I work on it one by one.
I know that you will all be okay too, because you have all been through worse and God is okay with imperfection. The entire purpose of Jesus is to heal our imperfection; and who are we to deny that help?
On a more lighthearted note, this week was valentines day. What better way to spend your valentines than by being a missionary? Especially a visitor's center missionary? Where we spend some of our time being a part of the free chat service on mormon.org? And we get to talk to all the lonely hearts that roam onto the internet on this very romantic day? I say to you all; there is nothing--NOTHING--more amusing/traumatizing/hilarious than this.
Here is the winner (prior to reading this chat you must know that the phrase "asl" is used to inquire one's "age/sex/location"):
Also last night I invented something good. Here is a recipe for goodness in your life:
1. Fill up a microwave safe mug with about 2cm/1in of your favorite kind of milk
2. Microwave the milk for 45 seconds
3. Put three regular oreos into the milk. Crush until there are no chunks, and every part of the oreo is saturated into the milk.
4. You should have a gloopy oreo mixture that makes you question Sister Takeshige's health habits. Stick mug back into the microwave for 30-60 seconds.
5. Take out mug and eat hot oreo mug cake with spoon. Repeat. Steps 1-5 until you feel disgusted with yourself.
Hope you are all well,